Is your sex drive normal? Embracing the Diversity of Sexual Desires

Spoiler alert: there is no normal.

There are as many ways to experience sexuality as there are people in the world, and before we get started, it’s important to know that sex drive plays a big part in that.

Your sex drive is a complex and highly personal aspect of your nature, and encompasses a wide range of desires, preferences, and experiences. But thanks to films, marketing, pornography and other types of media, many unrealistic expectations around what constitutes a "normal" sex drive are imposed on us. In reality, there is no one-size-fits-all definition of normal when it comes to sexual desires, and the sooner you embrace your unique sexuality, the sooner you can feel fulfilled and empowered in your sex life.

Sexual desire, commonly referred to as libido, is influenced by a multitude of factors. These include biological, psychological, and social factors, hormonal changes, stress levels, relationship dynamics, emotional well-being, and even cultural upbringing can all contribute to an individual's sex drive. Society often perpetuates the myth that a "normal" sex drive falls within a narrow range. This misconception can lead to feelings of shame, inadequacy, and even relationship difficulties for those who perceive their desires as deviating from the perceived norm. However, it is crucial to understand that normalcy is subjective and that sexual desires exist on a spectrum.

Low libido is a term used to describe a lower-than-average interest in sexual activity. It is important to recognize that a low sex drive does not automatically equate to a problem or dysfunction. It is estimated that around 15% of adults experience low libido at some point in their lives. Factors such as stress, fatigue, hormonal imbalances, medication side effects, or underlying health conditions can contribute to a decrease in sexual desire. Open communication with a healthcare professional can help identify any potential causes and provide appropriate guidance. On the other end of the spectrum, some individuals have a high sex drive, experiencing a very high interest in sexual activity. While this may be seen as desirable by some, it can also lead to challenges, such as difficulties in finding a partner who shares a similar level of desire or feeling overwhelmed by one's own sexual appetite. It is essential to recognize that a high sex drive is not inherently problematic, but rather a reflection of individual variation.

The problems arise when either you are not happy with your own libido, or when your partner/ partners does not respect your sexual desires. According to a Trans-Tasman sex survey from 2020, 45 per cent of Kiwis are satisfied/very satisfied with the amount of sex they're having. This means 55 per cent of Kiwis aren’t. So what do we do if this is the case for us? If you’re in a relationship, open and honest communication is key to understanding each other's needs and finding compromises that work for everyone. Remember, there is no right or wrong level of desire, as long as both partners feel comfortable and satisfied within the relationship.

It is essential to celebrate the diversity of human sexuality and break free from the constraints of societal expectations. By understanding that there is no "normal" sex drive, we can create a more inclusive and accepting culture around sexuality.

Embracing individual differences fosters a healthier attitude towards sex and relationships, allowing for greater self-acceptance and confidence.