How to Tell Your Partner What You Like in the Bedroom: A Guide

Open communication about sexual preferences is vital for a fulfilling and satisfying relationship. Knowing how to express what you like in the bedroom can deepen your connection, enhance intimacy, and ensure mutual enjoyment. In this guide, we’ll explore the best approaches to discussing your desires and preferences with your partner. 
 
The Importance of Communication in Sexual Relationships

 

Two young women are pictured close up in bed facing each other and laughing together. One of the women has short blonde hair with red lips while the other has brown hair and red lips. The women are playfully reaching out to the other to touch each others faces and bodies.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Building Trust and Intimacy 
Clear and honest communication builds trust and strengthens the bond between partners. Sharing your likes and dislikes empowers both of you to create a more enjoyable and intimate experience. When partners understand each other’s needs, it fosters mutual respect and deeper emotional connection. 
 
Enhancing Sexual Satisfaction 
Discussing what you like in the bedroom can significantly enhance sexual satisfaction. Open dialogues prevent misunderstandings and allow both partners to cater to each other’s desires, resulting in a more pleasurable experience for both. 
 

Choosing the Right Time and Setting
 
Timing is Key 
Select an appropriate time to discuss your preferences. Avoid bringing up the topic during or immediately after sex when emotions might be heightened. Instead, choose a relaxed moment when you can have a calm and uninterrupted conversation. 
 
Creating a Comfortable Environment 
Ensure the setting is comfortable and free from distractions. A private and relaxed environment encourages open and honest communication. Whether it’s during a cozy evening at home or a quiet walk together, the right setting can make the conversation more effective. 

Approaching the Conversation  
A couple are pictured sitting on the end of a bed in a bedroom. The woman is sitting behind the man and he is looking back at her and they are both laughing as they are falling backwards together. The bedroom walls are lined with bricks and in the background an acoustic guitar is pictured.

Be Honest and Direct 
Honesty is essential when discussing your sexual preferences. Use clear and direct language to express what you like and why it’s important to you. Avoid being vague or ambiguous. For example, say, “I really enjoy it when you gently kiss my neck,” rather than, “I like what you did last night.” 
 
Use Positive Language 
Frame the conversation positively by focusing on what you enjoy rather than what you dislike. Highlighting the positive aspects encourages your partner and makes them feel appreciated. For example, you could say, “I love it when you take your time,” instead of, “I don’t like it when things feel rushed.” 
 
Encouraging Mutual Sharing
 
Invite Your Partner’s Input 
Encourage your partner to share their preferences and desires as well. Make it a two-way conversation where both of you feel heard and valued. Ask questions like, “Is there anything you’d like to try?” or “What do you enjoy the most?” 
 
Active Listening 
Practice active listening by giving your full attention to your partner’s responses. Show empathy and understanding, and avoid interrupting or judging. Reflecting on their words can help build a deeper connection. 
 
Exploring Preferences Together
A couple are pictured close up sharing an intimate moment. They are lying together in bed facing each other with their bodies touching. The man is gently holding the womans face as he kisses her softly.
 
Experiment and Explore 
Once you’ve discussed your preferences, be open to experimenting and exploring new things together. Trying new activities and techniques can add excitement and variety to your sexual relationship. Approach these experiences with curiosity and a willingness to learn. 
 
Provide Gentle Feedback 
During your intimate moments, provide gentle feedback to guide your partner. Positive reinforcement and subtle suggestions help refine your shared experiences. For example, softly saying, “That feels amazing, keep doing that,” can encourage your partner. 
 
Addressing Challenges and Concerns
 
Managing Differences 
It’s normal for partners to have different preferences. Approach these differences with understanding and flexibility. Compromise and find common ground that satisfies both of you. Respect each other's boundaries and communicate openly about any concerns. 
 
Seeking Professional Help 
If you find it challenging to discuss sexual preferences or if issues persist, consider seeking professional help. A therapist or counsellor specialising in sexual health can provide guidance and support to navigate these conversations effectively. 
 
Strengthening Intimacy Through Communication
A young couple are pictured in their kitchen with the woman sitting on the bench top and the man is standing beside her while she leans towards him for a kiss. She has shoer brown hair and is wearing jeans with a white top while he has brown hair and a beard.

Telling your partner what you like in the bedroom is a powerful way to enhance your relationship and build deeper intimacy. By choosing the right time, being honest and positive, encouraging mutual sharing, and exploring together, you create a dynamic of trust and satisfaction. Embrace the journey of open communication and enjoy a more fulfilling and pleasurable sexual relationship. 

 

This article was compiled by our resident expert and scientist, Ami Reid, CEO of The Quiet Achiever. The Quiet Achiever is New Zealand's only women owned and operated sexual wellness store that sells only 100% body-safe toys and tools to women and couples. You can shop their products or learn more here or by following the link below:

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